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I remember hearing a story as a child about a king who was constantly unhappy. The king’s advisors did everything they could and came up with all kinds of ideas on how to make him happy. But nothing worked. Nothing could make the king happy.
Then one day, the king was alone and came across an elderly person in need. The king helped the person and for the first time the king was overcome with a sense he had never experienced before, happiness.
The king ultimately learned that happiness came when he brought happiness to others.
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My previous blog posts have been about gaining more happiness in our personal lives. But this one is dedicated to bringing happiness into others’ lives.
With all the noise going on in the background of our lives, we have to ask ourselves the question. Are we really listening to our spouses? Do we as parents truly listen to our children? Are we listening to what our friends are trying to tell us?
Judaism is a religion of holy words. Through words, G‑d created the universe and our ability to speak is what makes us human. Words create. Words communicate. Our relationships are shaped, for good or bad, by language.
Yet, at the same time, Judaism places great importance on silence. The silence that counts, in Judaism, is a listening silence.
Listening lies at the very heart of relationships. Listening means we are open to others, that we respect them and their feelings matter to us. A good parent listens to their child. A good employer listens to his or her workers. A good company listens to its customers or clients. A good leader listens to those he or she leads. Listening does not mean agreeing, but it does mean caring. Listening is the climate in which love and respect grow.
5 Listening Exercises
1. Make eye contact.
If you don’t look at a person while they’re speaking, you give them the impression that you don’t care about what they have to say.
2. Don’t interrupt.
Halt any thoughts that come to mind and let the person say everything they need to say. The goal is to shine the spotlight on them, not you.
3. Don’t try to fix.
Don’t feel pressured to give perfect solutions, advice and answers. Often times people simply need someone to talk to, not someone who will fix their problems.
4. Listen without judgement.
Withhold negative evaluations or judgements. Be open minded. After all, who wants to open up to a narrow minded person?
5. Move to a congenial environment.
It can be difficult to listen to another when the TV is blaring or your phone is buzzing. Finding a quiet place to listen makes it much easier to listen empathetically and it indicates that you put importance on the person and what they have to say.