For a 2 minute audio recording click here
Many people suffer emotional stress and unhappiness by their attempts to control the uncontrollable.
We are born as unique individuals with a unique soul. This means that we are here to live a specific life, to have experiences particular to us. But when we try to control the uncontrollable, we are attempting the impossible and hence are doomed to failure.
What is the uncontrollable?
It wisely is said that there are three things one cannot change: the past, the truth or another person.
Any time we seek to change any of these three, we attempt to play G-d, which is not only impossible, but also detracts from our ability to deal with those things we are actually responsible for. Inevitably we will experience pain and are bound for disappointment and resentment.
This is particularly relevant to having expectations of others. This is futile and destructive. Love is a powerful emotion that drives empathy for others. At the same time, too much love can be stifling. It is intrusive love untempered by respect.
A functional relationship is rooted in reality. Living in the moment as it is. This is the way G-d wants it to be.
This does not mean lacking compassion. It simply means accepting that I don’t have control and I know it’s not my place.
Our sages teach: when a rooster has wallowed in the dust, a thousand people with a thousand combs cannot clean it; but with a single vigorous shake, the rooster can free himself of every last speck of dust.
A way to negate the wish to control the uncontrollable is to utter a silent prayer. It’s as simple and succinct as this: “This really hurts right now, but it’s not my problem. I can’t change this. Amen”