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Instilling patience in our children can come down to the way we praise them.
Caroline Dweck, a respected psychologist at Stanford University, talks about two ways on how we can praise our children.
Caroline Dweck, a respected psychologist at Stanford University, talks about two ways on how we can praise our children.
1. Intelligence – “You are so smart.”
2. Effort – “You must have worked really hard”
Dweck researched this in fifth grade New York classrooms where a single child was taken out of the classroom for nonverbal IQ tests consisting of a series of puzzles that were not too challenging for their age.
Upon completing the puzzles, some children were praised for their intelligence – “You are so smart.” Others were praised for their effort – “You must have worked really hard”
Then the students were given a choice of tests for the second round between a puzzle that was more difficult than the last, or another easy puzzle just like the first one.
90% of the children praised for their effort chose the harder test, while the majority of children praised for intelligence chose the easy one. The so-called smart kids had avoided the challenge to protect themselves from the embarrassment of making mistakes.
Dweck explained: When we praise children for their intelligence, we tell them to present as smart by not risking making mistakes. Emphasising effort, on the other hand, gives the child a variable that they can control. They’d come to see themselves as in control of their success.
One of the final stages of the study was giving the children puzzles that were so beyond their age level ability that it was virtually impossible for them to assemble properly.
Again the two groups approached the matter completely differently. Kids praised for hard work were energised by the challenge. They persisted longer, showing much higher levels of patience. The kids praised by intelligence gave up much more easily showing high levels of impatience and frustration.
We should be striving to praise our children’s efforts and not necessarily inborn abilities.
Children are often energised by challenge, hence praising effort lets them know that with hard work we can confront and even overcome daunting challenges.