TALKING WITH & LISTENING TO
By Velly Slavin
With this week being Men’s Health Week, it’s a crucial reminder for all of us about the importance of opening up to others when we don’t feel right and seeking the professional help we need.  Equally important is the responsibility we have to check in with our friends, family, co-workers etc and offer a little extra support.  To ensure that nobody suffers in silence, we need to be proactive in talking with and listening to others. 
 
TALKING WITH
Many people worry and find themselves under pressure and stress.  As reasonable or unreasonable as these may be, they get in the way of our wellbeing and impinge on our joy.
There is a verse in Proverbs that says: “A worry in a person’s heart – cast it away”. 
Is this verse advocating to ignore or suppress worrying thoughts?
Words in the Torah don’t have pronunciation vowels, so the word Yaschena “cast it away” can also be read as Yasichena from the word Sicha, which means to talk.  This leads the Talmud to interpret the verse as:  “A worry in a person’s heart – speak about it with others”.
But possibly the basic translation and the Talmudic interpretation actually complement one another.  The Talmud suggests a means through which one may be able to cast away worrying thoughts i.e. by talking it over with another person.
Our speech has the power to trigger our mind to think deeper.  Speech not only expresses our thoughts but also enhances and creates more thoughts.  When one articulates an issue they are facing, the spoken idea becomes clearer in the mind.  With a deeper understanding and broader picture, more perspective is gained and the worry might ease.
The Tzemach Tzedek commented on the phrase: "...with others" that they are "others" only in the bodily sense, but are completely one in spirit with the worrier.  This helps the worrier feel more loved and connected, which is very satisfying in itself.  
 
LISTENING TO 
With all the noise going on in the background of our lives, we have to ask ourselves the question.  Are we really listening to our spouses? Do we as parents truly listen to our children? Are we listening to what our friends are trying to tell us?
Judaism is a religion of holy words. Through words, G d created the universe and our ability to speak is what makes us human. Words create. Words communicate. Our relationships are shaped, for good or bad, by language. 
Yet, at the same time, Judaism places great importance on silence.  The silence that counts, in Judaism, is a listening silence. 
Listening lies at the very heart of relationships. Listening means we are open to others, that we respect them and their feelings matter to us. A good parent listens to their child. A good employer listens to his or her workers. A good company listens to its customers or clients. A good leader listens to those he or she leads. Listening means caring. Listening is the climate in which love and respect grow.
5 Listening Exercises
1.  Make eye contact.
If you don’t look at a person while they’re speaking, you give them the impression that you don’t care about what they have to say.
2.  Don’t interrupt.
Halt any thoughts that come to mind and let the person say everything they need to say. The goal is to shine the spotlight on them, not you.
3. Don’t try to fix. 
Don’t feel pressured to give perfect solutions, advice and answers.  Often times people simply need someone to talk to, not someone who will fix their problems.
4. Listen without judgment.
Withhold negative evaluations or judgments.  Be open minded.  After all, who wants to open up to a narrow minded person?  
5. Move to a congenial environment.
It can be difficult to listen to another when the TV is blaring or your phone is buzzing.  Finding a quiet place to listen makes it much easier to listen empathetically and it indicates that you put importance on the person and what they have to say. 

To read more from Velly's Happiness Hacks Blog, click here.