Happiness Hacks

 For a 2 minute audio version click here

“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”- Woody Allen

Obsessive Regret

Humans possess the potential to act either well or badly. Therefore there are times in life when we succumb to our base instincts and behave in destructive ways.

As we have the power of choice, however, we hopefully will seek to right our wrongs and look to live a better life.  In this process we may be motivated to do something which superficially seems noble, but in truth is very counterproductive, namely continuously examine our past misconduct.  The danger here is becoming driven by obsessive guilt and remorse.

We tell ourselves that this preoccupation with guilt demonstrates that we care, that we are sensitive and that we have a conscience.  However the truth is exactly the opposite: it’s really just another form of narcissism, disguised as righteousness.  For even when contemplating our flaws, we are only thinking of ourselves.  How bad I am, how hopeless I am, how doomed I am, how terrible I am.

So while some people cannot stop thinking how superior they are, others can’t resist of thinking how inferior they are.

But both types are thinking only of themselves.

The Kabbalah of Salt

Jewish mysticism uses salt as a metaphor for guilt and remorse. While salt flavours other foods, overly salted food or salt on its own are inedible. If we remain stuck on our past mistakes, we become oversalted and bitter.  Like Lot’s wife, we become paralysed and all growth is stifled. We remain trapped and find even more reasons for guilt.

A little bit of remorse and guilt is necessary in life.  We need to understand our mistakes and feel pain for our mishaps.  This keeps us humble, balanced and honest. Remorse and guilt are essential because they can motivate change. But the moment guilt becomes the dominant emotion in life, it spoils and corrodes all potential to grow.

Don’t dwell on the past. It’s gone. Rather, see yourself as an extension of Divine energy and light.  Instead of ruminating on your lowliness, contemplate on how you are a soul being brought into existence at this very moment with a purpose.  Live right now and the future will take care of itself.

For a 2 minute audio version click here

A major cause of unhappiness is the competing priorities that pull us in many different directions, depriving us of true inner serenity eg I want to spend time with my family, but I also want to advance my career. Conflicts like these prevent wholeness and hence happiness.

In our society five things usually define a person: dignity, money, fame, education, status and Influence.

But these are all external layers, which many people may never possess.

Authentic happiness lies in discovering our oneness, which is the source of everything important in our lives.

Finding the Epicentre

Judaism has always understood that a human being must have an epicentre, a solid inner core that cannot be affected by the fluctuations of life.  This core cannot be made up of many pieces eg possessions, money, holidays etc  because the more we allow life to pull us in all directions, the more we distance ourselves from happiness.

Rather it is our connectedness to G-d, our soul’s love, loyalty, faith and intimacy that we share with our Creator that stabilise our life and make us happy. 

As The Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneersohn, has written:

“If throughout history an internal peace and harmony has been necessary for a person’s happiness, how much more so in our confused generation.

Concerning a Jew, the only way to reach inner harmony is with a lifestyle that does not go against one’s very identity.  Our identity is one that cannot be switched or changed; it is an identity that is an inheritance from countless generations.  In other words, a Jew can only find peace and harmony within himself through living an authentic Jewish life.  No material wealth can substitute”